I thought about calling you today and then broke down. I guess it just doesn’t seem real. Gavin is holding on but definitely not okay. We start counseling the 4th. Your memorial was great to see Anthony and Levi, terry and Todd and Mikey and his baby and oh you’d be so proud of Nani her boy is absolutely amazing and she’s so attentive to him and just, yeah, you should be here to see it and I don’t know how we are ever going to get used to this new reality. I just wanna hug your mom and not let go, they say losing a child is the worst pain that a human can experience and though I’ve lost babies, i don’t think I could be as strong as your mom if it were my boogie. The relationship you and Deb had is a lot like Gavin and I . You’re still on my shit list, but as always I will let it slide lol. You always have been my best friend. I know I never said it enough and I’m sorry that I would take my crap out on you. But, you were always there to calm me down, and even when I was a b word our text wars ended in you saying Chan, I love you and boog and I’m here. I miss your strength, you were there for me when we lost Bucky’s fam and just, I knew that I could be encouraged by you in dark times. But this dark time is so effing hard. I cry every single day my surgery is next week and I’m scared and I’m sure boogie is too. Please watch over us, please guide your son, help his heart heal with music and your memories. You were my best friend, I talked to you more than I do Bucky about the things my heart feel. And now, I just want you to know that I love you, I always will and that kiss, the kiss that ruined all future kisses.... I will never forget. Thank you for loving me.... thank you for loving boogie and please please don’t leave us. Let us feel you near. Hour by hour, minute by minute..... our lives are now so lost without you. You know you were my cowboy, and the thought of riding into the sunset sounds so nice right about now. I love you Brian Scott savage. Forever and always my sweet friend. Thank you for loving me and boog and being you, someone that changed my thoughts on the world and made me see things in a new light when I could not see past my own stress. Til we meet again, watch over our son. My fears with this one are so heavy and I need you to still help guide him. Please.

I love you buddy. You were my first born and we learned a lot of firsts together.